what is a Death Doula?
A Death Doula, also known as a Death Midwife, End of Life Midwife, or End of Life Doula, is a non-medical person who serves a dying individual, their loved ones, and support team. This may include services during hospice and active dying, such as sitting vigil, caregiver respite, facilitating communication to approved individuals, comforting visits to the dying, help with household and pet chores, funeral planning, and helping with legacy projects.
Death Doulas also work with non-terminal individuals to prepare for dying, so that when the time comes, most, if not all planning is done or clearly laid out. This includes assisting individuals to write out their Advanced Directives, clearing/organizing the home and designating what will happen to possessions after the death of the individual, and facilitating discussions with loved ones about death and dying.
Not only working with death and dying in the human world, many Death Doula’s specialize in the realm of our beloved pets. Doing much of the same work as with humans, such as legacy projects, assisting with care for terminally ill pets, and comforting families while discussing the death and dying of pets, the Doula can also be a steady presence to comfort the family/owner during the final moments for the pet, and in whichever way the family/owner decides to dispose of the pet’s physical body.
A final realm that a Death Doula may assist in, is the realm of Shadow Loss. These are “endings” that do not fall under the traditional categories of death, and are therefore, often not taken as seriously by society. Shadow Losses may be as tangible as miscarriage, abortion, divorce, or becoming disabled, but can be as intangible as losing a job, being forced to change careers, moving away from all family and friends, losing friendships, or some other way your life has had to completely change.
Ultimately, a Death Doula is here to serve. Adaptability, comfort, care, empathy, and service are some of the core characteristics of a Death Doula, as they help you explore and prepare for the end of your journey. We come with a soft front, and a strong back.
What a Death Doula is Not
A Death Doula is not a therapist or medical professional, but can recommend other professionals when needed. Similarly, they are not lawyers, or notaries, and cannot give legal advice, or legalize any documents.
“End-of-life doulas provide non-medical, holistic support and comfort to the dying person and their family, which may include education and guidance as well as emotional, spiritual or practical care. We value a cultural environment that encourages the potential for healing exchanges between doulas and the dying, the family, and the healthcare team as part of the life-death process.We embrace the need for ethical, compassionate care for all, and emphasize empowering, non-judgmental support to maximize the self-determination of the individual and honor significant others and family as part of the circle of care.”
- National End-of-Life Doula Alliance
Alua Arthur, founder of Going With Grace, speaks on why talking about death is so important. Please watch to better understand the viewpoint of Death Doulas.
“When it comes time to die, make sure that all you have to do is die.”
Jim Elliot